It's 5.31am now, Insomnia struck. So, I've decided to write here rather than wasting my time on the bed doing nothing. For the past 3 hours, my mind was playing several sad and brutal flashbacks. There were too many 'if only' and 'would've this' and "could've that". Those long gone days are my "if only years". Anyway, tonight will be the night for me to unleash these miserable nostalgia of mine.
Well, here are some of my most regrettable flashbacks and moments which I feel that I should share, or else, I'm gonna die tomorrow morning due to insufficient sleeping hours. During my kindergarten years, I was a loner. I had only one friend in my class, the rest are my enemies. I was bullied, humiliated, and most of the time, isolated. Even the teacher despised me, because I'm the only Chinese in class. Oh, my first and best friend in my kindergarten years, his name is Kumar, the best Indian friend I've had in my life. I wonder how he's doing now. If only I know how to keep in touch, I would've known where he is now.
Into the primary years, I recomposed and established myself as a little monster. I stood on the table to protest in class, cast chaos and burglary in the canteen, and vandalized the school toilets. I even stole a fair amount of bucks from my mum to buy myself Nintendos . If only I knew how to steal the correct way,my mum couldn't have caught me.
As for my high school era, it's the best which I really cherished the most. I can play the piano, guitar and drum. A gift in playing musical instruments, yet I never mold and transform it into talent. Thus, the gift was wasted. On top of that, I was a good sprinter in athletics. Often underestimating my opponents, I never take things seriously enough. I knew how to win, yet I knew how to lose too cheaply as well. Many medal was won, but many medals were missed out too. As a natural sprinter, I was given a place in the football club, representing my school, competing in annual district cup competition. Recognizing the explosive burst in pace that I have, I still can't play a full-time match very often due to my low-stamina level which resulted in my inability to deliver. Besides, I took up the Science stream, only to screw up on my elective subjects. If only I practiced on my music everyday, if only I ran to my limit, if only I trained my stamina tantalizingly, if only I listened attentively in class; I could have achieved glory at its best as a student.
In my first year of university, I made quite a number of friends, who are weird. Anyway, I'm glad that I met them. After a year in class together, they transferred to another campus. I was disappointed as living cost in another campus is high and I had to obliged to my mum's wish to stay on pursuing my studies in the countryside. Alright, back to the time line. There was a football tournament held during the first year's final trimester. My team was made up of a senior bunch of players who recruited my first year mates and I into the team. Resulting from a mixture of raw talent and experience, my team was rather strong. I was given a chance to play full time for two matches, Understanding the inferiority of mine in terms of stamina too well, I shirked by giving all sort of excuses. I knew I can give full time matches a shot, but I opted for half time just to make myself look good on the pitch. In fact, I went out partying all night long before the tournament day. The team progressed well until the semi-final, and eventually eliminated. I was glad I played well in the final game, but over the course of the tournament, I was still performing at below par performance. Anyway, my batch mates left the team and the campus after the tournament. I had to settle down as a more mature player. If I had a firm decision to follow them rather than listening to my mum, if only I care much more about the tournament; I would've led a happier urban life, I could've won the tournament.
Recently about 3 weeks ago, I competed in a futsal five-a-side competition. In the group stage, I played some really good stuff. But into the knock-out stages, there was this culprit who hammered his elbow onto my head, gave me an ultra big blow. I lost my eyesight for more than 5 seconds. Look, 5 SECONDS, I thought I was going blind. Thank God, I recovered my eye sight. I knew I could continue, but psychologically I was dominated by that vermin. Eventually, I passed and requested substitution for the good of the team. By the way, the team was knocked out eventually. If only I gave my best to impress, if only I had the courage, if only I continued on, I could've gave that vermin an elbow and dump his dirty team out of the competition.
Well, there are still many more "if only" here and there in between. However, If you have a long night without sleep, take some sleeping pills. If you don't, you'll end up in a situation similar to mine, consuming up to an hour writing regrets and flashbacks. So, someone, please, invent a time machine.
Well, here are some of my most regrettable flashbacks and moments which I feel that I should share, or else, I'm gonna die tomorrow morning due to insufficient sleeping hours. During my kindergarten years, I was a loner. I had only one friend in my class, the rest are my enemies. I was bullied, humiliated, and most of the time, isolated. Even the teacher despised me, because I'm the only Chinese in class. Oh, my first and best friend in my kindergarten years, his name is Kumar, the best Indian friend I've had in my life. I wonder how he's doing now. If only I know how to keep in touch, I would've known where he is now.
Into the primary years, I recomposed and established myself as a little monster. I stood on the table to protest in class, cast chaos and burglary in the canteen, and vandalized the school toilets. I even stole a fair amount of bucks from my mum to buy myself Nintendos . If only I knew how to steal the correct way,my mum couldn't have caught me.
As for my high school era, it's the best which I really cherished the most. I can play the piano, guitar and drum. A gift in playing musical instruments, yet I never mold and transform it into talent. Thus, the gift was wasted. On top of that, I was a good sprinter in athletics. Often underestimating my opponents, I never take things seriously enough. I knew how to win, yet I knew how to lose too cheaply as well. Many medal was won, but many medals were missed out too. As a natural sprinter, I was given a place in the football club, representing my school, competing in annual district cup competition. Recognizing the explosive burst in pace that I have, I still can't play a full-time match very often due to my low-stamina level which resulted in my inability to deliver. Besides, I took up the Science stream, only to screw up on my elective subjects. If only I practiced on my music everyday, if only I ran to my limit, if only I trained my stamina tantalizingly, if only I listened attentively in class; I could have achieved glory at its best as a student.
In my first year of university, I made quite a number of friends, who are weird. Anyway, I'm glad that I met them. After a year in class together, they transferred to another campus. I was disappointed as living cost in another campus is high and I had to obliged to my mum's wish to stay on pursuing my studies in the countryside. Alright, back to the time line. There was a football tournament held during the first year's final trimester. My team was made up of a senior bunch of players who recruited my first year mates and I into the team. Resulting from a mixture of raw talent and experience, my team was rather strong. I was given a chance to play full time for two matches, Understanding the inferiority of mine in terms of stamina too well, I shirked by giving all sort of excuses. I knew I can give full time matches a shot, but I opted for half time just to make myself look good on the pitch. In fact, I went out partying all night long before the tournament day. The team progressed well until the semi-final, and eventually eliminated. I was glad I played well in the final game, but over the course of the tournament, I was still performing at below par performance. Anyway, my batch mates left the team and the campus after the tournament. I had to settle down as a more mature player. If I had a firm decision to follow them rather than listening to my mum, if only I care much more about the tournament; I would've led a happier urban life, I could've won the tournament.
Recently about 3 weeks ago, I competed in a futsal five-a-side competition. In the group stage, I played some really good stuff. But into the knock-out stages, there was this culprit who hammered his elbow onto my head, gave me an ultra big blow. I lost my eyesight for more than 5 seconds. Look, 5 SECONDS, I thought I was going blind. Thank God, I recovered my eye sight. I knew I could continue, but psychologically I was dominated by that vermin. Eventually, I passed and requested substitution for the good of the team. By the way, the team was knocked out eventually. If only I gave my best to impress, if only I had the courage, if only I continued on, I could've gave that vermin an elbow and dump his dirty team out of the competition.
Well, there are still many more "if only" here and there in between. However, If you have a long night without sleep, take some sleeping pills. If you don't, you'll end up in a situation similar to mine, consuming up to an hour writing regrets and flashbacks. So, someone, please, invent a time machine.
there are too much if only and i will be leading my dream life. haha...nice vocab anyways. mine sounds deteriorating soon.
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